Plasmtastic

Ah, today is a good day! Why you ask, well let me tell you, I donated my first full bag of plasma today! It is a long story, which I am going to impart to you.....

My friend Jamie is a very busy woman, so busy that we rarely get to hang out with each other anymore. She informed me months ago that she was going to start donating plasma again twice a week. After talking with her we decided that it would be a great time for us to hang out, without our kids, and it would be a set time every week. So I went about the process of trying to "qualify" to donate plasma.

One would not think that it would be such a lengthy, time consuming, and yes stressful prosess. You have to make an appointment for a "physical", so I did, at which time I asked if their were any medications I could not be taking in order to donate, the answer was we can't talk about that. I arrived on time, and they gave me a binder which I was to read through and then come back and see them. I read the binder, it contained information about the tests that would be run on my blood and plasma, privacy policy, diseases that you can't have in order to donate (HIV, hepatitis C) and other things. I then brought the binder back and was on my way.

First their system is run by Biometrics, so your finger has to be scanned in order to verify your identity, but they have to have a good print to do that. After scanning and rescanning all over again with first my right hand: index, middle, and ring fingers, they decided that none of these fingers had enough "recognizable" points on them. Keep in mind every time I have my finger scanned I have to type in my SSN and read aloud a paragraph about how I understand what I am doing. We then embarked on my left hand: index, and viola the middle finger was the one! Bonus: I could probably commit a crime with out being recognized, as long as I only leave prints with my right hand!

After that they gave me a guided tour of the facilities, with a stop in a chair to find out if I had good veins or not (of coarse I do). Then I had to go to a panel of computers to answer a "few" questions and read through a "few" things. Some of which were: have I had sex with a man who has had sex with another man since 1977? and Have you been exposed to someone who has had the small pox vaccination? Very specific. I also had to read through the same things that were in the binder and select yes to verify that I had read them. Another question was: Are you taking any medications prescribed by a doctor? I was on an antibiotic for strep throat at the time, and my trusty antidepressant, so I marked yes. Immediately my computer time was over. They march me into a little room with a nurse who asked me what medications I was on, I told her and she informed me that until I was off the antibiotic for 24 hours I could not donate, nor complete my physical. End of first attempt.

I made another appointment to complete my "physical", a week later. I came in and they once again gave me the binder. I said "I have already read this twice" they lady said "you need to read it again and let me know when you are done" to which I said "oh good, I'm done now", she glared at me and walked away. I then sat in the lounge for proper amount of time until I could go back and start the tour again (they did keep my print, the system is not that incompetent) and to see if I still had good veins (they change so often). I then started the computer questionnaire and reading again. I didn't want to read the policies and what not again, so I just waited for the yes button to pop up and marked yes. Well with one such document I was daydreaming and didn't mark yes within 60 of it popping up, so I was kick out of the computer again. Marched back into the little room with a nurse and asked why I was unable to read the document in the allotted time. I had to explain that I was an idiot, and the nurse was very nice and read the rest of the questions and answers to me, so there would me no other "confusion". Then I actually got to get a physical! I passed, because I could walk across the room with out passing out, score.

I was then weighed, poked in the finger (to see if my blood had enough plasma), blood pressure taken, and temperature taken. I was informed that this would happen each time that I came to donate. If I did not land in the right range with any of these things I would not be able to donate. Mean while I am looking around me and thinking I am a healthy adult (which could not be said for some of these people) how on earth did they pass through all this crap?

Everything was in tip top condition so I was able to donate for my first time. The process was then explained to me: 1. They poke you with a really big needle 2. They hook you up to a machine that takes out about a pint of blood at a time and separates the plasma from the blood 3. They return your blood to you, and repeat this process 8 to 12 times depending on how much plasma is in you blood, and how much you weigh 4. They pump a saline solution into your body to take the place of the missing plasma. 5. They unhook you and you are done. I made it through steps 1, and one time of 2 during which I had a "reaction" which I am told happens to a lot of first timers. I almost passed out, got really hot and had to try really hard not to throw up (they were really proud of me for the last one). They said I could not continue to donate for that day, they did pay me though. End of second attempt.

I made an appointment for 3 days later to try and donate again. I was determined at this point, I did however call my friend and ask her if she was worth it, she said no. I made it to the computers no problem this time I answered all the questions right, but one, I had to go back into the little room with the nurse and she read the question to me, turns I really am stupid, enough said. I then was weighed, poked and blood pressure and temp. taken. My temperature was too low. They said they would let me sit in the lounge for 5 minutes and retry the temp. I did, passed and was sent on to the plasma machines. I got all hooked up and was on my way when after 3 blood returns the thing that separates the blood from the plasma broke. They were not only not able to continue with the donation, but they were unable to return my blood to me. They paid me for my donation once again. End of third attempt.

I made my friend make my next appointment, so that we could do it together. I got up today at 4:45am, and drank tons of water, and ate some peanut butter (water and food with iron, I am told are the keys to not passing out). I got to the place, answered all the questions no accept for are you female and are you feeling well today. I past all the poking and prodding, and got to sit with my friend for about and hour while we shot the breeze and I completed my first full donation of life saving plasma. I then left. This was the first time I had gotten the saline replacement, and so of coarse I had a reaction to that as well. As I was walking out to my car everything went black and all I could hear was my pulse. I kept thinking just make it to your car, and I did where I sat for 20 minutes until I felt well enough to drive home.

I hope you have enjoyed my play by play introduction in to the plasma world. My advise: think twice before you embark on such a quest, of coarse not everyone has such good luck, and superior reading abilities!